Last day of the month..

yes its the last day of the month.. though its rather 30th night.. but past 12am anyway.

sighx.. jan just past like this..

i have been thinking about what happened that night and her again while driving back home just now.. seems like i will keep thinking about it.. the feeling of sadness, where u feel ur heart sink way low.. and its too heavy to even carry up..

why does it have to be like this.. why why why.. if i have a chance.. i will talk nicely.. i swear~!

oh well tml i'm doing duty.. sianz.. another day in camp.. probably i wun be thinking about it? hmm maybe i will.. i dunno.. i think i'm more depressed in camp den at home..

i just wanna say i'm sorry for what i have said..

nth matters more now den to seek ur forgiveness..

yah..

very depressed.. very low morale.. very sick and tired of myself..

sighx..
(to be continued)

its 2am and i still cant slp..

Wat can i say..

i cant slp.. maybe its the aftermath of last nite.. i have been thinking about her the whole day.. even when i'm driving back just now. i was thinking so much about her i almost got into an accident..

sighx.. she was great.. just great. if i was to get someone for the rest of my life, i'll get someone like her..

though its been more den a mth.. there was never a day i have stopped thinking about her or miss her..

it seems like ever since the day we parted, i cant find myself back on track..
ever since we parted, i haven stop thinkin about her..

everything song i listen to, every Love i see, every couple i walk pass, i think of her..

why i reacted so badly to her was mainly becus i know we can never be together anymore.. she has found someone else and i dun wan her to know tt i am still being hurt, tts something a guy shldn't be doing yah.. shld be stand up straight like nth happened.

i cant. it was too much..

and for once i am willing to let me emotions take over me..

i regretted what i did last nite..

i missed out the 1 chance to see her again..

i missed out the 1 chance to talk to her face to face..

why am i crying again..

i would have already cried her a river..

and yet i'm still crying now..

she meant so much.. so much that nth else matters..

i'm just lost.. i'm still lost.. i think i will be for who knows how long..

i'm wrong.. i'm so wrong..

i hate myself for doing things out of anger and regret so much later..

i hate it..

i cant stop crying.. after so many days i still miss her so much.. i miss her like crazy.. though we not be together anymore. i will miss her badly.. even if what happened in the past. she has never left my heart..

i love u kelly.. and i miss u greatly..

Wats wrong

Why must it end up like this still.. after 1mth plus.. why are we still trying to make each other's life miserable... why..

why after we tot we have moved on, we still end up quarrelling.. why.....

why cant we just end it peacefully and return each other watever belongs to us.. and be friends for the rest of the life.. maybe even just Hi-Bye friends..

i dun understand why..

is it really that hard?

must there be so much trouble..

why y am i just so stubborn..

why cant i just lend the disk to her instead of saying no..

why when i tell myself no point to quarrel about yet i still keep going..

why do i act like i dun need the extra cash when i actually need it so much to clear off my debts....

why so stupid of me..

maybe i'm really wrong.. maybe i'm wrong.. maybe i'm just wrong.. maybe its wrong..
maybe everything that i think and say is wrong..
my life is fading away
maybe i shld just end my life..
maybe i shld just end my life so there wun be so much trouble anymore..
maybe to end it peacefully is for me to disappear forever..

All i wish for now is that nothing happened today and ever until everything has been cleared. So that we could just be friends.
God please grant me this wish..
Please god..

WHY.........................
arrgghhh..
(to be continued)

28th le..

almost end of the month already.. 26th past just like this.. sighx.. you all may never know whats 26th.. but its a day special for me..

seems like its been raining on and off these few days still.. sucky weather.. means i cant go to swim.. darn it.. anyway went to buy fishes today~! wahahaa.. feeder fishes for my asiantica channa... it ate 7 fishes today.. damn sure have a big appetite.

went jalan kayu fish farm walk walk too.. nth much there actually alot of fishes but not very cheap.. other stuff there are quite cheap though..hmmm

end of the mth is coming near.. sure is fast.. feb is coming soon~ way soon.. 131days more.. hmm forgotten what i wanna blog about.. darn tired anyway..

(to be continued)

25th of Jan

So fast its already the 25th of Jan.. sighx.. bored.. off today from last night's AH duty..

slept in the evening.. was quite tired.. dunno why.. maybe i'm just tired out from all thats happenening in my life. went to dennis's place to have 1 round of mahjiong. while playing just drifted off to the time when i first made her cry by playing MJ.. that really made me feel like not playing MJ anymore.. sighx..

evening my MJ can make me think of her.. what else cant.. now i'm feelin the ache in my heart once again.. its been more den a mth already but i still feel the hurt so bad..

i miss her.. i miss her now.. i miss her every day.. i miss her since the day she left me..

sighx..

off to camp tml.. and another duty.. sucks.. another duty tml aghhhh.. haiz..

why did we end up like this..
no words can describe how i really miss her..
(to be continued)

Lyrics for Mikazuki??

We were always together walking along the same path, but we separated and now it's best to walk apart.

I'm overflowing with sadness
I'm holding in my chest. Even now my tears may fall,
looking up at the sky and thinking of you...

This is the night without you,so "no more cry," I won't cry anymore.Because I'll do my best and become strong.


this might be the lyrics for Ayaka's Mikazuki.. but i'm not sure... let me double confirm and post it up again..sounds wierd though..

SIGHX..

san ri ye..

oh well.. went swimming today.. sun was good.. safra~! but the pool was quite crowded though.. anyway went TM and CS awhile after that.. had dinner there too.. kway chap.. hmm..

eating healthy!~ went pool after that.. and its back to simpang for soccer..

nothing much to blog about..

tired to blog about..

thinking too much to blog about..

missing her so much till i cant blog about..

cant seem to be able to slp but cant blog about..

my life feels empty..

really really empty..

oh yeah bought Ayaka's ablum today..not bad.. love the song Mikazuki..

if i manage to get the lyrics translated to english, den i will post it here.. hmm..i'm off tml.. its monday.. or rather its today.. its almost 4am.. sighx.. i miss i miss i miss her~~

why issit after so long.. i still miss her so much..
why issit after trying to do so much things.. i still miss her so much..
though she has been the worst gf i ever had..
she was also the best gf i ever had...
maybe thats why its so hard to forget her..

yesh though if u ask me if i have the chance to get back with her and that she doesn't deserve my love.. i will say yesh..
i still wans to get back with her..
cos i still love her..
yesh after we broke up. i finally get to see the difference in our maturity.. that have actually made me think alot.. and change alot.

sighx...

my heart feel so empty!
(to be continued)

Weathery

Ok.. i woke up late today.. din manage to go swim.. anyway it was raining and watever so i went back to slp..woke up quite late in the afternoon..

my snakehead fish ate all the little guppies that i put in the night before.. gonna stave it for a few days.. if not its gonna grow big very soon..

anyway went Upper East Coast road georges ate and watched soccer with friends. thats just beside cheese cake factory... sighx.. this place reminds me of the times we had our cheese cake there and i do not have enuff cash to pay and they dun accept NETS.. wtf.. but anyway bad experience for paying but the rest is oh so great.. kinda sad to go anywhere now as it always reminds me of the things we did together and spent together.

anyway after that went holland V.. went wala wala.. celebrated Momo's bday. not much really..

now i'm back home.. stoning.. thinking.. missing her..really really miss her...
(to be continued)

oh yah. nice song to intro. a jap song. by Ayaka - Mikazuki

Thinking

Hey hey its been afew days since i last blogged. Its not that i dun wanna blog or something but blogspot seems to be having problem everytime i wanna blog something.. and now i forgotten what i wanted to blog and i dun really wanna think about it cause its already 3am in the morning~! and i am way tired..

Lets just say what i did on thursday when i took off yah.. Woke up quite early.. packed my room abit.. the small shelf by the corner of my room which is hidden will all be donated to the red cross.. all the kids story books and everything.. dismantled the self and left with only 2 layers.. tts where my 3RD fish tank goes in.. haha..

cant believe i actually got into the hobbie of rearing fishes.. and this time.. its a channa asiatica.. its a snake head.. a small one.. about 15cm only.. but it can grow to a length of 30cm or more? maybe by then i will have a 3ft tank out in my living room..
too bad dun really have a digi cam.. if not my blog will be filled with pictures.. sighx.. but tot of getting 1 soon.. yeah..

anyway went swimming in the afternoon.. shiok i tell u... no pple so nice to swim.. after that had a quiet sun tan... i actually fell asleep lolx.. but that day was cloudy so din really get a tan.. tml gonna go for another swim if its sunny and nice..

anyway i have just came up with a microsoft excel file stating my finances.. thinking about it, i have been using excel almost everyday in camp.. why dun i use that skill to do things that can help me keep track of what i have been spending my money on.. so far this mth, there's onli on my fishes, pool, and daily expenses.. cost me less den 60 all together so far.. quite good really..

anyway got a news today!~ i gonna go for JST(jungle survival training) prep around end of feb.. damn.. one of the few things we need to do i heard is a full battle order 24km road march and 5km run.. man.. luckily i have been exercising now.. if not i dunno how am i gonna tarhan that..

den by march i will be starting my HEME training. whats that u may ask.. sorry its confidential hahaha..

den comes april where i will be going for alot of flights and training and clearing of off and leaves..

den by may.. i shld be totally clearing off and leave.. yay..

tired man.. think i gonna slp soon.. yawmz..

why have i been thinking so much and dreaming about u recently.. sighx..

(to be continued)

Who knowss..

There's always a lion slping beside me everynite. Who knows? She does...
The reason why there's a lion. Who knows? She does...
What the hairs tt need to be plucked regularly? Who knows? She does...
What i have under my feet? Who knows? She does...
What's my first fish pet name? Who knows? She does...
What kind of clothes i wear/like.. Who knows? She does...
The things that i'm scared of.. Who knows? She does...
The things i can do with my finger.. Who knows? She does...
The thing i like most.. Who knows? She does...
The things to make me happy.. Who knows? She does...
The size of.......
"
"
"
"
"
"
............ Who knows? She does...
That i still miss her.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...
That i still think of her.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...
That i still care but cant do anything.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...
That i still likes her.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...
That my heart has shattered.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...
That i am still sad.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...
That i have slpless nights.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...
That i feel like talking to her but cant.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...
That i felt like holding her and hug her.. Who knows? SHE DOESN'T...

So many things that she knows.. but yet there's still so many things that she doesn't know..
sighx
(to be continued)

Why

Can someone tell me why everyday i'm looking at rain's music video and going through the story line of the mtv?


sighx..

(To be continued)

In my Bed 2

Apparently there's another version of this. Well here it is..

Today i heard.
About your new guy
Your friend spread the word to everyone
About your new-found relationship. I was shocked
You made the same gift you made me
You attached the same note you wrote me
Telling him how you've never felt love like this before, baby

Laying in the bed i used to lay in
Giving the look you used to give me
And you make love.. with someone else
How could you forget me so quickly?
I just can't believe it. Did you even really loved me?
I can't even bare to think of a new love yet.

You call him by the nickname you used to call me
Walking into places i took you to, holding his hands
Acting excited as you pretent it's your first time
These are all precious memories from our past
If you do it all over again with him
Our memories will disappear.
Why are you trying to erase our memories, Why... Why?


Laying in the bed i used to lay in
Giving the look you used to give me
And you make love.. with someone else
How could you forget me so quickly?
I just can't believe it. Did you even really loved me?
I can't even bare to think of a new love yet.

The car i used to ride in
The chair i used to sit in
He's standing in the place where i once stood
And now you're kissing another man with the same lips
you professed your love to me with.

Rains....

Ok the rain is back to bother all our lives. Actually i dun really dislike rain. Why...

Simple~ Its not warm~ at least.. but that sucks too.. cause i cant go and swim and get a tan..but i like to shit in my car listen to the radio and just look at the rain pour onto the windscreen..

But at the same time, raining days just make me feel kinda down.. starts thinking about alot of things.. what has happened past 1yr 10mths now..

Sighx..

Oh well, if you are curious why i added that youtube clip onto the side of my blog. Simple.. that Music Video is nice..

Why issit nice? because its showing what i feel and goin through now.. anyway its Rain's music video.. interested just click on it let it load and enjoy~ its a nice song anyway.. good to listen to while driving around in the rain.. especially now..

it will be like Listening to Rain's song in a Rainy day..

Alright alright.. i'm not into him or something. I AM NOT GAY! Just found this clip nice yah.. wanted to share with pple that visits my blog. Saw it on Channel 51 MTV.. was utterly stuck to the video not becos of rain.. but becos of the story line in it..

yes yes... though i am not as good looking as him, dun have a body like him, doesn't dance/sing as well as him, and obviously i dun drive such a posh car..

just make it more simple and erm.. cheap maybe.. than i will see myself inside there.. Haha..

Have been feeling lonely recently.. very lonely.. i dunno why... well actually i'm all alone at home right now.. parents went overseas.. sis dunno where she go.. clubbing maybe..

something happened last nite just before i went to slp.. was quite pissed off actually.. but den.. due to my kind heart and forgiving character.. i choose not to think about it and vent more anger/frustration/vengence.. whatever..

looks like it stopped raining already..
cant get to slp..

The lips that once told me they loved me..Are now matching someone else's lips...
ahh how true can it be..
sighx..
(to be continued)

In my bed

I heard it today
That you already have a new man
From your friends mouth, it was passed on
How you were keeping company surprised me
You made the same present that you gave me
Adding the letter with the same content
Saying that this kind of love is a first for you, baby

Lay in the bed i laid in
Giving the same look you once gave me
Split love with another person
How could you already forget me like this
I don't believe it, did you ever really loved me
I still cant fathom loving again yet

Call him by the same nickname you called me
Hold his hand at the places i took you to
Like a person at a march for the first time
Pretend to wait in anticipation
Those were all precious memories made with me
They'll all be erased if you do them with him too
Why are you erasing our memories...why....why..


Lay in the bed i laid in
Giving the same look you once gave me
Split love with another person
How could you already forget me like this
I don't believe it, did you ever really loved me
I still cant fathom loving again yet


The car i rode in
The chair i sat in
That person is standing in my place
The lips that once told me they loved me
Are now matching someone else's lips

its has been awhile...

Whao whao whao.. finally i can blog agian.. its been days since i was able to get in here to blog again. lets back track abit..

on the 9th what id i do actually.. hmm it was my day off.. cant really remember much but i actually slept till 4pm.. just like today lolx..

wed have to go back to camp for duty... only 8 to 5 and met the usual guys. Went mambo and phuture. drank quite abit.. 1 jug of long island tea, 1 jug of volka raspberry, 1 glass of volka lime, 1 glass of burbon coke, 1 glass of volka raspberry too.. actually the last 3 glass i was sharing with someone i met in zouk. Lolx surprise after so long to see u again there. its been yrs already ahaha anyway dunno hows gavian.. he was dead drunk.. had to drag him to the cab yest.. -.-!


and now.. i just woke up... aching all over... i knew it i am gonna be aching all over.. lol.. wat an enjoyable day yest~

gonna have my first meal of the day~ DInner time!~
(to be continued)

Sulks

its already 8th of Jan~the 2nd week of the year.. what have i done for this yr..

"NOTHING!!"

well.. i'm still down with sorethroat cough flu.. and making things worst.. having migraines more and more often..

i think i'm dying ...

dunno why.. i have been thinking about her the whole day.. and when i say the whole day.. its really from i wake up this morning till now!

i would have not asked her to return me that sum.. but 1 side of me tells me.. i shld get it back.. do not just forget it..

sighx..

wat have become of us..

we could have been great..

Good partners, friends, companion, husband and wife..

shall go pop my pills and slp

(my tears have not dried. my heart has not healed. i still love u)
to be continued!!

under the weather

Is it because singapore has stopped raining and i cant get used to the sun again. I'm falling more and more sick each day.. popping more and more pills.

now i have like 4 pills to take for my Block nose, running nose, sore throat and cough.
took the pills before i slpt last nite.. almost din make it to camp today. woke up quite late actually.

well i took an early release and i'm home now in the afternoon.. goona pop more pills and get some rest real soon..

just sick.
(to be continued)

28.10

As i sit infront of my com in a half dead mode due to my illness and the mixture of medications i took, i manage to pull myself to at least blog for the 4th day of Jan. Oh its already the 5th.

Time flies. So much has happened. sometimes what ever u do now or have done in the past. Just sitting down and think about it helps u recall and re evaluate yourself, what have u done wrong, what u should have done, what u shld treasure what u shldn't. What you should have gone for and hold on what u shldn't have.

Its all part and pacel of life that has to be gone through to really learn and enrich yourself with.

Life is just like this.. all the ups and the downs. U never know the next thing u gona do will be the thing u regret 1yr later.

anyway i'm down with flu and sorethroat.. damn.. why get sick now.. maybe too much booze from the holidays. Will have to take medication and drink lots of water.

Weather this few days has been on off raining. Its just like my feelings, my heart. It sometimes doesn't cry but it doesn't bright up like usual. And when it starts crying, it cried big but doesn't last long.

yesh i'm still sad over it.. i'll still think about it.. i'll still be the same me till i dunno when..

turning in early today. cant take it anymore!! needa get some rest!

sighx..(to be continued)

3rd Jan Night

its the 3rd of Jan Night in my camp. Life cant be more boring when i'm doing duty here.

nothing much to blog actually..

i'm just bored i guess..

sighx..

She's Gone - Jon Koh (aka Jonathan Koh aka Xu Hua Qiang)

Every where I go
Everywhere I turn
I can see your face each time I burn
Everytime it rains
Each time it snows
I can hear your voice everywhere I go

And time,
It heals every pain
So that's what they say
And I would give anything
To make you come back to stay

She's gone
I didn't know it was so long
If I can't feel her in my arms
The days will be long and it will go on and on

She's gone
I didn't know it was so long
If I can't feel her in my arms
I'll sit here alone
The pain will go on and on
Oh no...........mmmmmmm

With every breath I take
And every step I make
I would see you here in this world I make
And thru the pouring rain
And the blinding snow
I can hear your voice everywhere I go

I know that I need her
In every thing I do
Goodbye ….is not the word I need to hear


Its the eng version of "Jie Tuo" by Ah-Mei

Retro

If anyone is actually reading my blog, i have a new link under "FOES"

that's "MUA OLD BLOG"

well its actually a link to my old blog which i have stopped. if you are to visit that link, its more like a webpage den a blog cause you wun be able to read the past entries. i made it that way.. it was a way to end that blog well..

well.. i had a flash on the website actually. Its a song title " She's Gone "

its sang and written by a famous song writer in Singapore. But sad to say, its hard to find the lyrics and i have lost that song to my old com. Moreover the server that i last used, i had stopped paying so it cancelled off my acc.

will go back and search that song again hopefully i will get the lyrics and song..and maybe post the lyrics up for everyone else to see yeah..

tml is the 1st day i'm gonna work on 2007.. and its a stay in duty.. fucked! but anyway 5 more mths and its over..

should i be happy and rejoice or what..
(to be continued)

我不好過

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息
抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气
你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余
我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手比较好过。 。 。 。 。 。

放手了

我不好過。 。 。 。 。

its the 3rd day of the year..
nth have changed..

0350Hrs

Its almost 4AM in the morning, as i sit infront of the com, i felt listless, pointless, lost, disorientated, sour, down, sad.. watever..

should be slping by now but i just cant.. its already the 2nd day of the year.. almost a month already.. but i ... i cant put it down..

was feeling lonely while driving.. felt like driving and driving till i drop dead. Or maybe let me slp and die of peacefully. everything i see, i say, i do, i smell, i go reminds me of every little single thing about her.. things that we saw, we said, we did, we tasted, we went..

till now then i realise how i shld have cherished those times we have been together.. how i would let her follow wherever i went. Never to leave her out of my sight when i'm with her. Do meaningful things together.

Now that i lost her. Every moment i wish she would be by my side again. Every time i go home i will be able to see her. Every time my phone ring, its her. And when ever i'm driving, the one sitting next to me holding hands is her. Singing our fav songs in the car together. Watching Discovery channels, National Geographic, Animal Planet together in my couch.

giving her a good nite kiss everynite and a morning kiss whenever i wake up. Able to hug her to slp under the blanket, hold on to her hand when we go out, make funny faces to cheer her up, give her surprises to see her smile, buy little things for her to brighten up her inner self.

letting her slp the soft pillow whereas the hard pillow for me, talk to her more often, read mag together in each others' arms, play her game while sitting on my lap, kissing her on the forehead, cheeks, nose, lips, chin, hand, holding on to her hands tight and firm, showing other guys who her bf is, showing other girls who my gf is, shelther her from sun, rain and storm. Give her warmth when she needed it, give up my jacket for her when she's cold. Carry her up, sayang her, check if she is injured when she falls, bring her to the doc whenever she's sick. Cook her maggi mee when she's hungry.

buy milk for her whenever she's coming over or i'm goin over. Protect her from any harm, danger, guys, threatens, fatigue. Learn to give her good massage when she's tired. Pamper her when she gets angry and talk to her nicely later to clear things up.

sighx

there are so much that it cant finish..
my confession cannot be finished..
i have never loved a girl this far, this much, this clear, this hard, this sure, this full
and i never will again.

its 410AM on the 2nd day of yr 2007..
it will be the 2nd day of the yr i live my life without her by my side..
(to be continued)

Its still 1st of Jan

Its evening time and out the window, i see sun and rain. What a sucky weather it can be. Woke up at 2pm this afternoon. Luckily no hangovers, cooked myself lunch and watched some documentary on Discover Channel, National Geographic, Animal Planet.

hadda go fetch mum and dad from golden mile complex at 6.20pm. Finally get to drive my dad's new car, Nissan Cefiro! Not bad but i think i'm so used to driving my Jazz its kinda new experience for me again.

What am i gonna do for the rest of the day. I just wonder.

Oh yeah added my chatbox in and did abit of changes here and there.

Will start to change more stuff as time goes by. Well off for dinner i guess, hmm maybe not.

Oh for the confession..(to be continued)

1st entry

This will be the first entry of my new blog.. A blog dedicated for 1 special person in my heart. Although we may not be together anymore, i just wanna tell her i still love her, i still misses her.

Its the new year already!~ 2007!!!

6 more mths to ORD.. hey hey.. well will be 1 mth of working for my dad before i start sch in july.. its gonna be a phrase of changes after i ORD.. seriously i cant wait to ORD but at the same time. The next move that u make after u ORD will be so impt! That step u make will determine your future for a long run. At least tts what i think. Gonna try out all the U for a course in Business (Management).

Most prob will get into SIM..

Well its a new blog.. so there isn't anything much of any changes that i have yet make.. chatbox is missing, whole template isn't what i want.. all my links are still yet to be filled up.. still a lot to do.. but however just wanna post my first blog on the 1st of Jan 2007..

2006 was a rollercoaster ride for me.. hopefully 2007 things will turn out fine..

well ..... i have a confession to make... although i have sent her all the sms that i felt.. i think i have to put it in my blog too (to be continued)